


How to Save a Life

by reylly_obiwan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Parenthood, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 02:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13917324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylly_obiwan/pseuds/reylly_obiwan
Summary: The story of Ben Solo became Kylo-Ren, as told through flashbacks from Han, Leia, and Luke.





	How to Save a Life

***Han’s POV**

I had felt plenty of anger towards Ben for the last few years. But the moment Ben’s saber struck me, I was filled with regret. The anger had left me completely, because after all, it was my fault. The only person I should be angry with was me.

Where had I failed?   
What did I do as a father that went so horribly wrong?

As I felt the life draining out of me, I started to vividly remember the day my son came into the world.

***

Right before he was born, Leia and I were arguing about names. Typical. 

We’d had nine months to decide and we were still butting heads up until the second he arrived. 

Leia was dead set on naming him after someone. “Let’s name him Bail, after my dad. Or Breha, after my mom,” she’d said to me at least a hundred times.    
But I thought naming a baby after someone was bad karma. It was like predetermining you kid’s fate.

“What about Luke?” Leia asked me.

“Leia, he’s still alive. That’s weird.”   
She rolled her eyes. 

“Ben? He’s not alive.”   
“What? Name my first born son after that crazy wizard?”

“That crazy wizard is the reason we’re alive, Han.”

Before I could answer, Leia’s face contorted into pain and she started having another contraction.

I winced as she squeezed my hand nearly to death.

“Alright, that’s less than two minutes apart.” I told her, glancing at my watch. “I’ll get the doctor.”   
The next four hours were insane. Leia called me a bastard 63 times and threatened to kill me 6 times. I cursed under my breath after she nearly broke my hand and wondered why we thought any of this was a good idea. 

All of that changed the second he was born. I watched, speechless, as the doctor placed him on Leia’s chest. The world was turning in slow motion and the only sound I heard was his tiny cry. I looked at Leia looking down at him and my heart nearly burst with love. 

Nothing mattered in the world except for them. And the name? I knew now. I knew exactly what it should be. 

It was only a few minutes before the doctors cleaned him up and put him in my arms. 

He was so beautiful. He had dark, spiky hair on his head and brown eyes. Not dark brown like Leia’s, though, they were kind of hazel, and so, so beautiful.

I looked down at the innocent life I was holding and I couldn’t believe he was ours. He was barely ten minutes old and I was already picturing a lifetime full of joy because he was in it. He started to cry a bit and I rocked him back and forth.

“Hey baby. It’s me, your dad.” I whispered. “I’m so glad you’re here. Don’t worry about anything, okay? We’ve got you. Me and your mom are going to take such good care of you. There’s a lot of stuff you have to learn, but we’re going to teach you everything you have to know. The world is going to seem like a scary place, and it can be, but we’ve worked for a long time to make it better. Everything I am, everything I have, it’s all yours, baby.” I kissed his head softly and continued rocking him. After a while, he fell asleep. I thought Leia had already been asleep, but when I looked up she was looking back at me. 

I gave her a small smile, now fully aware she had heard me.

“You big softie.” she laughed. I shook my head and got up. I placed our son in her arms and kissed her head as well.

“Leia, he’s perfect.”   
“I know. I’ve never seen anyone so perfect in my life.” 

“I think I like Ben for a name. If you do.”   
“Really? What changed your mind?”   
“That old wizard  _ is _ the reason we’re alive. And now, he is.” I said, placing a hand on our baby.

“Ben’s perfect.” Leia answered.

I took a seat next to her and we gazed at our baby boy silently.

He  _ was _ perfect. Really, he was. 

And Leia?   
In the years to follow, she was an incredible mother. She did everything right by him. She was loving and interested and engaged in everything he did. She was fair but firm when it came to discipline. Parenthood came naturally to her, like everything else. If it had just been her, Ben probably would’ve been fine.

That brings me back to my original statement: I don’t know where I failed. 

***


End file.
